One of my goals this year was to be more flexible with my routine. Most of my life I have been very strict with my routines and noticed that to an extent it was good when I was single but just didn’t work now that I have a family. So top on my list of 12 goals for this year, I added “Be more flexible with routines and learn to use time effectively”. With PD’s recent job loss, I’ve had to rearrange my day. The first couple of days were strange but once I found my new balance, things seem to be better now. I think I was most scared to see the mental impact of a job loss unfold because I have been through it myself, so I began to make changes and take action to help my husband embrace his new change in life. These are a few of the most important things I think a partner should do to help move on to bigger and better things post job loss.
1) Speak for Strength
– Be honest and speak with each other about your feelings
– Give yourself and your partner time to heal
– Be supportive and embrace the new change
A family is a unit. When one hurts, the whole family hurts. Even when you move away from home, you still share the pain and the success that your family back home goes through. It’s no different in your own home. When PD lost his job, I tried to not think about it too much. But by day 2, I couldn’t take it anymore and went into my ‘mute’ stage which I’ve realized is a way for me to cope with changes. It’s the way I let things soak, compose myself and get ready for the new change. I had to do this to gain all the strength I have to be the pillar for both of us. After we spoke things through, we both felt better. Life has so many transitions, so we are just in one at the moment figuring out what gear to put on next for our next leg of the race.
2) Develop a new role
– List your partners strengths and create a new role, type it up and promote your partners new dream position.
– Celebrate the new addition
The next thing you should do is to figure out how to accommodate and find a new balance. I read somewhere that you should give your husband some of your chore work. But you see I had an issue with that for a few reasons. I am extremely finicky when it comes to people cleaning my home and PD is no exception. So since PD is home, I have taken my endless list of business to-do’s (I run my start-up from home) and started writing our strengths side by side to share the load. PD is very good at coming up with new ideas and problem solving. So I am happy to announce that a press release will be published soon to introduce Snug Science’s new Director of Strategic Development. We are lucky to have a business on the side but if you don’t it should be no different. I’m sure you have a lot of “to-do’s”. Figure out what your partner is good at, what you need help with, and be creative in putting a new role together. You’ll be surprised to see how much they can do or develop new ideas to move your family forward.
3) Stay Active more than ever
– Find your new structure/routine
– If you don’t like the gym, find ways to be active outdoors
– Sign up for an event or try something new
– Be grateful and giving
It is no secret that exercise helps you combat depression. A sudden job loss can lead to all sorts of self sabotaging ways. Feeling useless, unwanted, unworthy. Such awful words, and definitely not one that you would ever want to see your partner go through. Don’t let your partner stay in bed late everyday. Continue waking up early. I wake up between 530 and 6 to write a bit, make breakfast and clean my apartment. Now that PD is home, I continue with this routine to create a new structure for him. He takes the baby and dog out for his morning walk (I tag along). Slowly he will work on finding his new routine. As I’ve mentioned in the past, PD and I aren’t big fans of the gym. We love the outdoors and always find time to take advantage of it. Whether running outdoors at the park, hiking, cycling through towns. Sign up for an event, even better if you do it together, and admirable if you do it for a charity. If you have already done events in the past, call up your charity and ask if there are ways you can volunteer, or be a mentor.
One final note:
My days when I worked in the medical world, I spent a lot of time in third world countries helping set up clinics and gathering data and educating patients on ways to stay alive. When I say alive, it literally means ways to improve your health now so that you can continue breathing tomorrow. I once knew a great doctor who resides in Ethiopia. One of the most beautiful things I experienced was seeing so much love, courage to live, and the importance of sharing. If you have a cup of rice, share half of it with your neighbor. I was lucky to have known and have worked with one of the greatest doctors in the world – Rick Hodes. Here is a bit about him. Loosing a job is something that happens to most of us. See it as an opportunity, learn from it, and move on to bigger and better things that life has in store for you and always remember to be grateful and giving.